Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Basketball according to various political ideologies.

The refs say everyone will get the same number of points regardless of what happens in the game. All the players just sit on the court and don’t play. The refs go eat at a buffet using the money from the ticket sales to the game. The players starve to death.

The teams are divided by gender. Males have to score three points to earn one, and in the end, regardless of the outcome the girl’s team is declared the winner. All males on the court or elsewhere are put on trial for rape. 

There are no referees and everyone does whatever they want. Mostly the players sit on the court and try to start businesses with Bitcoin and weed. Everyone goes home high or rich. 

Game goes as normal, except all players have to do religious rites every time after scoring, before the game, after the game, and during half time. A group of people sit in the VIP section wearing strange costumes, they are given all the proceeds of the game, the players get nothing, but do it willingly to 'glorify God.'  The guy in the funny costume can choose to change the outcome of the game if he feels 'guided by God.'

1.     A vote of the audience is held to determine the winner of the game. The blue team bribes a few advertising agencies to say a lot of good things about them, as well as to catch a member of the red team breaking the rules. The blue team wins, takes all the profits from the game. The process is repeated for the next game except this time the red team does the bribery and framing. The result is still the same: the players and refs get all the money and the audience gets screwed, no game is really played, and everyone is convinced that next time it will be better.  

Everyone gets angry, refuses to play because they are getting exploited by the capitalist overlords who run the team. They kill them and eat all their food and spend all their money. After all the wealth and food is gone they sit around arguing about how a commune should be run. After a few days they are out of food and starvation sets in. Most die. One wanders off and manages to find a group of anarcho-capitalists who are sitting around drinking champagne, discussing philosophy, and what factory to open next. They give some food and water to the starved wanderer to help him regain his strength and composure. After recovering, he gets angry, stands up and says "You are all violent oppressors! You need to redistribute your goods equally to me." The anarcho-capitalists say "no." To which the anarcho-communist pulls out his gun. .5 seconds later he has 2 grenade launchers, a AK47, and a bazooka, all pointing at him. He is forced to put down his gun. They offer to continue to pay him if he will wash dishes and clean. He reluctantly agrees and spends all his time while working grumbling about the oppression of the proletariat. The anarcho-capitalists start a basketball team and decide to never hire communists.

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